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Aug. 10th, 2004 @ 10:17 pm Austin, Texas
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Mood: grateful
Sound: wicked o.b.c. -- for good
leave it to lyr, in the middle of a crisis to send me a care package. because she didn't know where i'd be by the time it "arrived," she sent it to the austin venue-- the irwin theatre and they sent it to the hotel. it's a "box of new york." she got me the recordings of mamma mia, wicked, and avenue q. hot stuff. also included are some polaroids: a hot dog cart, a pair of hotties on christopher street, and the skyline. she also sent me a pair of "fell-off-the-truck" sunglasses and a hat i would never wear.

sweet stuff. i owe her at least an austin snowglobe now.

...do they have snowglobes in austin?

...do people who live in austin know what snow is?
Aug. 9th, 2004 @ 06:52 pm Oklahoma City, OK
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Mood: anxious
Sound: rent -- goodbye love
today, for my "off" day, i actually got to work. i was sent an express package of remixes for my approval. i was sent a list of names to go with them and decide who i'm going to include on anything. it's a weird, sketchy issue because technically they are all "official" mixes because they were asked to be done. but with a simple mark of a pen, i could make them my next big club hit. well. hopefully.

and actually, it's not all just club stuff. and even my "club" stuff isn't really that clubbish... i haven't had a legitimate house mix since "harlot!" well, official anyway.

casey does most of the mixing, and he's usually amazing. i'd never let anyone else get one in if he had the time to mix everything. since he also tours with us, he simply is too busy. of everyone, he's my most trusted guy. i could very much be in love with him if it wasn't for the whole... stuff between us. blah, anyway.

yeah, so anyway. also went through my songs again with sonja, more leisurely this time. i wasn't able to sing them aloud (vocal rest) but we were able to talk about them. one of them, "made it easy" was a front-runner, but i want that to be on an album. we settled for "thanks and fall," which i really want to work on. i just don't... like it that much, but there's parts of it that i really do like. also re-structured "product." i rewrote some lines and did some "la-de-da"s into a tape recorder to work on with melody with erik maybe tomorrow. i'd actually forgotten a lot of this material. i'd gotten so focused on the album stuff. this may make a very different tour.

i'm actually looking for something a little more sentimental. i seem to have the niche of writing from characters... "whatever felt good" as the bitchy but concerned friend... "wish you were older" as a gay club chickenhawk... and now "product" as a callboy.

i actually have an idea for a "dead skin" mix for the single, but it involves reading the constitution. and that'll either come off as cheesy, pretentious, both, or that weird middle ground that tori does with "happiness is a warm gun," where it's neither in-your-face or subtlety ironic and comes off as just silly.

lots to think about. i wish i could fucking sing right now.
Aug. 9th, 2004 @ 01:10 am Denver, Colorado
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Mood: thirsty
Sound: the clash -- london calling
jarring show. i sang "with or without you" tonight and dedicated it to 'the girl with everything falling down on her.' duh, lyr.

i don't know if it really "speaks" volumes about her or her situation, but for some reason it seemed appropriate. for the most part the setlist was dark and gloomy. not a happy song on the list. even "wish you were older" which sounds light, got very dark tonight. i asked for the electric guitar on it only, and my god did it creep me the fuck out.

"ghosts" and "montreal" were all disturbing too. i wanted to lighten the mood a bit for the encore, with "rocket boy," but it didn't come out as groovy. my voice was naturally pretty jaggedly deep for tonight because it's getting kinda tired, and i ignored vocal rest for the last two days. i'll be good the next few.

meredith called to confirm her meeting us on the 13th (houston, tx). i had almost forgotten she was scheduled for the rest of tour. she was always pretty removed (though wonderful) from the group, so jude subbing and being just as secluded wasn't much of a stretch.

sleep again. i don't do enough of it.
Aug. 8th, 2004 @ 11:44 am Santa Fe, New Mexico
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Mood: nervous
Sound: pat benatar -- we belong
lyr called again. she took a home pregnancy test. she's scared to tell the boyfriend.

kevin, you see, doesn't want children. he likes dachshunds.

there's something to be said for a man who is forthright with what he wants; even if it's tiny puppies over screaming infants.

the strip turned blue. and then pink. and then disappeared. i asked her what the box said "blue" meant. it didn't say anything about blue. pink? nothing... "well, damn, lyr, what does it say?" "it says to look for a plus sign or a negative."

i told her to go to her ob/gyn. appointment's at 4 tomorrow.

i feel very far away from her right now. she asked me to sing at the show tonight for her. my voice cracked when i said "ok."

bitch.
Aug. 8th, 2004 @ 01:05 am Phoenix, Arizona
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Mood: exhausted
Sound: no doubt -- panic
so i was talking to people outside the venue and signing stuff, a girl asks me about "break me gently." i ask her to repeat that, and she does, "break me gently." it's a song. i don't know it, i explain, and she says "but you wrote it!"

i ask her for some lyrics from, convinced she's got to be wrong... she didn't know them. i asked how she knew of the song existed.

"the library of congress."

apparently, i've submitted the song, and i wrote it in like 1999.

i have the memory of fish. and i'm being spied on!

i laughed and said i'd see what i can do. anything i wrote in 1999 however should probably be burned.

the show itself was great, though. nothing fancy, but nothing bad at all. i'm very tired. denver tomorrow. we're driving now.

dammit, i actually have more to say, but my hands are telling me not the risk the sprain of typing while fading towards unconsciousness in a fast-moving bus.
Aug. 7th, 2004 @ 07:14 pm Phoenix, Arizona
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Mood: bouncy
Sound: dave matthews band -- crush
had a bit of a surreal moment today. i got a call from biolum, explaining how they want to rush-release the "dead skin" single by September 1st, and if i knew what i wanted on it.

i had just finished soundcheck, so my head wasn't exactly the most... complete. ironically, i did "dead skin" for the soundcheck (along with "stupid girl")... and i had to check my notebook to see if there were any songs that had to go on there...

the turn of events:
- "how incredibly soon do you need my answer, isobel?"
- "uh..."
- "you need it right now, don't you, isobel?"
- "i'm sorry, mr. kamen..."
- "i know, isobel, i know. fuck, ok, give me 10 minutes."

she didn't want me to get off the phone; i can hear it in her voice... she's afraid she'll never get me back. she's one of six people who have my cellphone number, and she's convinced i'll change it on her. isobel is very sweet, but a bit on the schizo-cat side.

i go to sonja with the notebook. "help me! now!"

we look... "uh, no... no... did we release that yet? oh... right... track 4 on the album... oh, i like that one... shit, did we record this yet? dammit... casey! can you record on that thing right now? we need to fake a demo! ok, ok, ok... fine... ummm... who the fuck wrote that?!"

unfortunately, it looks like it's got to be something already done. and this is insane; this is no way to release an inspired piece of musical legacy! did john lennon ever get calls with people screaming "mr. lennon, quick, we need a b-side for 'imagine!' do you think we could put the same beatbox from your last single on it and make it a theme or something? no-- it's conceptual! mr. lennon... please stop hitting me!"

i call back isobel.

- "isobel."
- "yes, mr. kamen!" i sense relief in her voice.
- "i'm sorry."
- "oh, mr. kamen..." she's feeling queasy.
- "i don't think i have a song already recorded to put on there."
- "oh..." yep, her spleen's pounding.
- "yeah, i'm gonna have to wait and get to a recording studio."
- "oh..." i've killed the woman.
- "if it helps, i think i've got the songs in mind, though."
- "oh?" life support... i think i got a heartbeat.
- "yeah, i just need to touch up some arrangements with the others."
- "oh." we're losing her again!
- "i'll call you tomorrow."
- "okay..." sorry, ladies and gentlemen... we did the best we could.

and what's that you say? we have a show to do now?! by golly!
Aug. 7th, 2004 @ 03:34 pm Portland, Oregon
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Mood: lazy
Sound: hedwig and the angry inch -- angry inch
totally psyched... the dvd player on the bus is fixed. it broke for some reason while we were in san diego, but it's back. huzzah.

on our day's journey, we watched hedwig and the angry inch. it all got us really pumped for the show tonight. last night's was fine, but it didn't really do much in the terms of excitement until towards the end. i'm getting more excited about the covers than the original material. we need to get out some of the new songs, now.

we did "hot stuff," though, which went over better than i was even hoping. i didn't really think people would know it. we had a good minute-and-a-half intro for it with the beginning loop and first (recorded) guitar riffs. they didn't seem to really "get" it until i started to sing it, and there were the usual 10% who didn't cheer until i got to the chorus, because they clearly didn't know it. but they were singing along by the end! oh, it was inspired.

otherwise, a faithful set, with "ghosts" and most of the two albums. no b-sides this time, and no other covers. we did do "how'd you get so dark," though, which we don't do a lot. people seemed confused (in that "yay" kinda way) when i did the extra verse. it's how it was written; i forget that the album version's missing it. i'm sure i'll read online in some forum that i did some new improv.

talked to lyr on the phone. she thinks she's pregnant.

i'll leave it on that note.
Aug. 6th, 2004 @ 06:10 pm Portland, Oregon
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Mood: excited
Sound: donna summer -- hot stuff
ok, i think we may officially be on crack. so, we just practiced three new covers on our soundcheck here in portland. "hot stuff" by donna summer, "with or without you" by u2, and "rip her to shreds" by blondie.

casey went buck wild with his mixing program and got the original "hot stuff" and stripped the vocals out of it. he kept the "hot stuff" phrase vocal and chopped up donna summer's voice so it completely sounded different. it had the same beat, but it was so... dark. that was really what made me want to do it. the fact that he actually made the song seem that much more horny.

"rip her to shreds" was an attempt to see if we could even do on stage. we're not there. erik just doesn't know it. i also keep fucking up the words. and "with or without you" was done with just bass and piano, because sonja's this perfect goddess that apparently translate guitar to piano with just one listen. dex was pretty capable, and it has some potential.

'sides, we don't want to pull out all our surprises just this night.
Aug. 6th, 2004 @ 10:56 am Portland, Oregon
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Mood: jealous
Sound: the killers -- mr. brightside
re: "mr. brightside" by the killers.

ok. officially jealous.

rest of the disc's kinda blah, but fuck, this is priceless.
Aug. 5th, 2004 @ 01:54 pm Grants Pass, Oregon
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Mood: content
Sound: yeah yeah yeahs -- pin
we are on our way to portland, and we stopped for food. there was a music store nearby, so sonja and i went in while the crew took a much needed stop.

one of my very favorite things to spend my money on is music. i have a million of them. it's upsetting. thing is, i very rarely have time for anything else. i love movies, but it takes me so long to see them, and i haven't been in a movie theatre since lyr and i saw pirates of the caribbean. i'm not much of a dvd whore, but i like to see what i can. mad's been raving about this movie called saved that she wants me to see. we're scheduling some sort of movie night... not entirely sure when... we have days off?

oh, right. point.

well, were in the music store and checking out stuff. the abba cover album is out. i didn't even know. i probably should've. i bought it; $10. i might like it, who knows. plus i'm on it, and while i'll probably receive an eighth of a cent for every purchase, i might as well get the ball rolling. checked to see if they have my cd. indeed-- three copies of promise, two of deviate, plus an import of "harlot!" went to their singles section and sure enough they had "probably miss you" and "under you." i was so proud.

pretty well-stocked place. i got another copy of erotica to replace mine which skips during "fever," and went to see the new releases. i picked up the killers, the yeah yeah yeahs, and i also grabbed eight arms by veruca salt.

such was my productivity.